Kuronue and the Homemade Sake
by D-chi
Summary: All was well in the land of Makai until Kuronue decided to experiment with the 50 Ways to Make Sake Cookbook... Ch. 2 is up! Bananas, Amazons, and Pikmin, oh my!
1. Baloney of Doom

Disclaimer: I don't own Yuyu Hakusho, Bob Dole, Pinky and the Brain, _I Love Lucy_, or anything of the like. However, I wish I owned Youko and Kuronue, as do we all, I'm sure.

* * *

Kuronue hummed cheerfully as he mixed various ingredients into a large bowl. "Now, what else should I put in here?" he wondered out loud.

Youko came into the room and stared at his bat-like partner. "Kuronue, what are you doing?"

"Making sake," he replied simply.

Youko gave him a puzzled look. "Sake? Why are you making sake?"

"Because I don't feel like going out and buying some," he answered.

Youko scoffed at him. "What do you mean 'buy'? Since when do you ever pay for anything?"

"Don't hate, appreciate," said Kuronue. "Now, come help me decide what to put in here."

Youko rummaged through the cupboard. "Let's see, I know I put it somewhere… Here it is!" He took out a large, dusty cookbook and put on his reading glasses. (A/N: I know he has perfect vision, but glasses would make him look so cute!) "I think there's a recipe for sake somewhere in here." He leafed through several pages. "Found it!" he cried. "Oh, wow."

"What is it?" asked Kuronue, taking the cookbook. "Fifty different kinds of sake! Sweet! And I know just which kind I want to make. Youko, pass me a match and some flowers."

"Isn't that for the baloney-flavored sake?" asked Youko.

Kuronue glanced at the fox apparition. "How did you know?"

"I used to experiment," he replied.

"…Sure…" said Kuronue, staring at Youko. "Anyway, I need to make smoke and mix in flowers with alcohol, rice oil, and some carrot milk."

"Carrot milk?" asked Youko. "How do you milk a carrot?"

"I dunno," said Kuronue. "Do we have any carrot milk?"

Youko shook his head. "No. Wanna go get some?"

"Are you gonna be the one to milk the carrot?"

"No."

"Then I guess we're gonna have to make it without carrot milk," decided Kuronue.

Youko looked carefully a the cookbook. "It says here to be sure not to forget the carrot milk."

"Aw, what do they know?" retorted Kuronue.

"Apparently more than you do," said Youko, raising an eybrow.

Kuronue made a face at him. "Ha, ha. Anyway, does it say what will happen if we 'forget' the carrot milk?"

"No…" Youko admitted.

"Well, then, I'm just going to make the sake anyway," said Kuronue.

Youko sighed. "Suit yourself."

So, Kuronue got a rose from Youko's hair, got alcohol and rice oil out of the cupboard, and made the sake.

Later...

"Mm, time to try this sake out!" said Kuronue excitedly.

"I wouldn't drink that concoction if I were you," warned Youko.

"And that's exactly why you're not me," re said, drinking some of the sake. "Hey, this is pretty good! Wanna try some?"

Youko shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

Kuronue shrugged. "All right, whatever." Kuronue drank more sake and made a cheesy grin. "I could take this baby upstairs and show her a good time. In fact, that's what I'm gonna do."

"Weirdo," Youko muttered. "Well, you go do that. I'm gonna go lock up that cookbook."

Two hours later…

Youko was sitting in a chair, innocently reading a book. Suddenly, his ears perked up and he looked around. "Hm, it's too quiet. I'm going to go check up on that bat-winged baka." He went upstairs and entered Kuronue's room. "Kuronue? Where are you?" he called. He heard a noise and saw a big lump hidden under the bed sheets. He walked over to the bed and lifted up the covers. "Kuronue, what are you doing?" he asked. At that moment, Youko realized that Kuronue was completely drunk.

Kuronue once again made a cheesy grin. "Hey, Youko, you're looking foxy," he said.

"Shut up, baka," said Youko, annoyed. "What are you doing?"

Kuronue kept grinning. "Like I said, I showed this baby a good time."

Youko looked at him skeptically. "And how did you do that?"

"I asked her to marry me," he answered.

"That's it?"

"Yup."

Youko was now thoroughly confused. "Wait, you asked a now-empty bottle of sake to marry you?"

Kuronue smiled. "Yup. She said yes."

Youko pulled the covers back over Kuronue. "Okay, you just go to sleep now."

"Okey-dokey, foxy-boy," said Kuronue in a muffled voice.

The next morning…

"Oh, I don't feel so good…" mumbled Kuronue.

Youko came upstairs to Kuronue's room. "Morning, Kuronue. Do you remember anything from last night?"

Kuronue shook his head. "Not really. Hey, what's this bottle doing here?"

"So, the memory loss plant worked," Youko thought. "You had too much sake to drink last night," he said out loud.

"Oh, yeah…" said Kuronue slowly. "The last thing I remember is going upstairs with a bottle… After that, it's kind of fuzzy…"

"Well, I did some research on the kind of sake you made, and discovered that the reason it was so intoxicating was because you forgot the carrot milk," said Youko.

Kuronue groaned. "Aw, who's gonna milk a carrot, anyway?"

"Will you get over the milking-the-carrot thing already!" shouted Youko.

"NEVER!" Kuronue screeched. He ran out of bed and crashed into a wall.

A sweat drop appeared on the back of Youko's head. "Um, Kuronue, there's something else you should know about the sake…"

Kuronue sat on the floor, rubbing his head. "What?"

"The sake-" Youko began.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!" roared the sake bottle.

"…has a mind of its own," finished Youko. "It mutates."

"…Well, I didn't see that one coming," said Kuronue.

"Yup," said Youko. "To tell you the truth, I thought it was an old wives' tale myself."

Kuronue's eyes widened. "There are old wives' tales about baloney flavored sake?"

"You'd be surprised," said Youko.

"Too late," said Kuronue. "Well, what should we do now?"

Youko looked at him. "The only thing we can do." Youko whistled. "Mercutio!"

Youko's assistant Mercutio came out of nowhere.

Mercutio saluted them. "Yes, sir!"

"Bring out… the bag," said Youko ominously.

Mercutio nodded. "Sir, yes, sir!" He took out a bag labeled **Bag o' Bob Dole**. "Should I release it now, sir?"

"Yes, and leave it here, please. That will be all," dismissed Youko.

"Sir!" said Mercutio. He saluted one last time, then left. The Bag o' Bob Dole opened and Bob Dole came out of it.

"Hello, Mr. Freaky Sake Bottle," said Bob Dole. "Bob Dole thinks you should stop attacking us and go away. Bob Dole would appreciate it very much. Bob Dole… Bob Dole…" he trailed off. The sake bottle screamed like a little girl and ran away.

"Well done, Mercutio," Youko congratulated.

Mercutio came back. "Thank you, sir!" Then he left again.

"Wow, you're prepared for anything, aren't you?" exclaimed Kuronue.

"Absolutely," said Youko. "That Bag o' Bob Dole will scare anything away, guaranteed."

"So, what should we do now, Youko?" asked Kuronue.

"The same thing we do every night, Kuronue: try to take over Makai!" declared Youko.

"That sounds cool," said Kuronue.

"As cool as sitting on the sofa like two bumps on a log and watching old _I Love Lucy_ reruns?" said Youko.

"Psh! As if!" said Kuronue.

So, Kuronue and Youko did exactly that. They just sat there watching TV until the cows came home.

"Wait – we have cows?" asked Kuronue.

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked this fic! It took me quite awhile, actually. First I had writer's block, then I realized I'd written the entire thing in script format and had to go back and change it… So yeah. I couldn't resist the references to Pinky and the Brain, Romeo + Juliet, and Family Guy (which I no longer watch, by the way). Gotta love Mercutio! Thanks for reading, and please take a moment out of your day to post a review. It would make our dear Youko very happy!

Youko: You know it.


	2. Bananas of Doom

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Seriously.

A/N: I wasn't originally going to add another chapter to this story, but since people seem to like it, I'm posting a new chapter! You have BlackRoseVixen05 to thank for the update. Thanks for putting this story on your story alert list! Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now. And now, back by popular demand, Kuronue and the Homemade Sake!

* * *

It was the middle of the night at Kuronue and Youko's house. A dark figure snuck through the kitchen, using his stealth abilities to creep silently towards the cupboard. Being a master thief, he quickly and quietly dismantled the padlock around the cupboard and opened it. To the average human ear, these scarcely audible sounds would've easily gone unnoticed. However, there was one pair of silver fox ears that could easily detect even the most subtle of movements.

"Kuronue!" said Youko coming downstairs. "What in the monkeys are you doing down hear at this unearthly hour?"

"Youko," he said mournfully, "I need it."

"Need what?" asked Youko.

"The sake," Kuronue said with a desperate look on this face. "I need to make MORE!"

"No, you don't!" said Youko.

Kuronue started begging Youko. "Please, I NEED that stuff!"

Youko sighed. "All right. Go back to bed, Kuronue. You can make it in the morning."

"Yay!" said Kuronue happily. He skipped back to bed, and the house was peaceful for a few more hours.

In the morning…

Kuronue opened his eyes slowly. When he realized it was morning, he jumped out of bed, washed his face, and ran downstairs. He went straight for the cupboard and got out his big bad book of sake. He started flipping through the pages, determined to find the perfect flavor of sake to fit his mood.

Then, as if preordained to be the perfect sake for his perfect morning (which indeed it was), all alone on page 173, there it was. A little light shone down from Heaven on this perfect little recipe – or at least, Kuronue thought it was from Heaven. It was actually Youko standing behind him with a flashlight.

"Kuronue," said Youko, yawning, "it's 5:30 in the morning. What are you doing up?"

Kuronue had forgotten that, being a bat apparition, he was better equipped for moving in the dark. Youko, being the fox that he was, had exceptional vision, but because it was still much too early to be up and about, at least in Youko's opinion, he was still delusional from his adventures in Dreamland, and consequently not entirely sure where he was.

"I thought that bats were supposed to be nocturnal creatures," Youko muttered, but I suppose there are exceptions."

"Youko!" said Kuronue with stars in his eyes. "I've found the perfect sake recipe!"

"Starting the drinking rather early today, are we?" said Youko.

"I have to get started right away!" Kuronue said, ignoring his perturbed partner. Youko naturally had a right to worry, for this quest for sake had possessed and enraptured his manic friend in a way that made Youko quite uncomfortable. Kuronue stared intently at the cookbook, almost lovingly studying the recipe on the page. What was truly frightening was the way Kuronue explored the possibilities before him with a look in his eyes that bordered on lust.

Youko gently tapped Kuronue's shoulder. "Um, Kuronue, what kind of sake recipe is this, exactly?"

Kuronue smiled brightly. "Banana!" he answered.

Youko rolled his eyes. "Well," he said, "you'd better get going, then."

Kuronue got up and started pulling bowls and spoons out of the cupboard. As he looked to the cookbook for reference, he said, "Wait! We need BANANAS!"

"Well, we don't have any," said Youko.

"Then I'm going to go find some!" announced Kuronue. He ran out of the house. Youko figured that he would be gone for quite some time, so he went back upstairs to take a nap.

"Baka…" he murmured as he drifted to sleep.

Meanwhile, in the deep, dark jungles of Makai…

Kuronue swatted at flies and bushed aside overgrown ferns. "Hmm, I wonder where I am?" he wondered out loud. "Oh, look, it's the bananas! Wait – What's that? AHHH! NOOO!"

Back at the house...

Youko stirred and opened his eyes slowly. He looked around, but there was no sign of Kuronue. "He's been gone awhile, hasn't he?" he said to no one in particular. Just then, a spunky, red convertible pulled up in front of the house. Youko walked outside to see what was going on. What he saw shouldn't have surprised him, but it did.

"Hey, Youko!" said Kuronue, in the convertible. He was surrounded by a bunch of hot chicks. "I got the bananas!"

"So… yeah," said Youko. "Wanna go make that sake?"

"Yeah!" said Kuronue, jumping out of the car. "Bye, girls! See ya!" he called, walking back into the house.

Kuronue, bananas in hand, got right to work on making the sake. More rice oil, bananas, mint leaves to kill the germs, etc. Youko tilted his head to one side and asked, "Kuronue, what exactly happened in that jungle?"

"Well," Kuronue began, stiring the ingredients in a large bowl, "first I was attacked and knocked out. When I woke up, I was chained to a wall and surrounded by beautiful women. Then I realized that they were Amazon dominatrix chicks. I thought they were going to kill me or something, but instead they interrogated me."

"About what?" asked Youko.

"Hair care and maintenance," he answered. He poured the sake into a bottle. "Once I told them all my secrets, they let me go. They forced me to have a girly hair-styling party, which actually wasn't so bad. You would've liked it. Finally, they brought me back home, and here I am."

Youko sighed and scratched his head. "You are one special person, Kuronue," he said.

Kuronue grinned. "I know. Now, let's try out this sake!" he said excitedly. He took the first gulp, then handed the bottle to Youko, who wiped the rim of the bottle, then poured himself a glass. He took a sip and said, "Not bad."

Suddenly, there was a rumbling in the ground beneath them. Hundreds of Pikmin burst out of a small hole in the floor. A small red one jumped up onto the counter and said, "We demand that you hand over the sake!"

Kuronue and Youko stared at each other. "Can I just stomp them?" asked Kuronue.

Youko shook his head. "I have a better idea." He got out a miniature plastic sauce cup, filled it with sake, and gave it to the Pikmin. "Is this enough?" he asked.

The Pikmin appeared to be pleased. "Yes!" said the small red one. "To repay you for your kindness, we shall be your servants and do your bidding."

Kuronue grinned. "In that case, I have a task for you. You see this cookbook? Gather all the ingredients listed in it. If you do, you can have as much sake as you want."

"Yes, sir!" said the Pikmin, all saluting him. They began listing all the ingredients so that they could acquire them for their new masters.

"Honestly, Kuronue, exploiting these small creatures for your personal gain?" said Youko. Kuronue grinned at him. Youko grinned back. "I'm so proud of you!" he said.

* * *

A/N: Finally, the second chapter! I'm planning on finishing it here. If you want me to continue, review with suggestions, or at least major encouragement. As always, happy reading! 


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